I call myself Web AddiCT, I’m back, I’m back…

Where has your Web AddiCT been? First dreaming about life in Technicolour then started Tweeting from a hospital with a panaromic view where i was treated like a king according to @sznq 😉

Well Chaps..

I’ve met the elusive Mr Phillips in person..
a few times more than you….

The Holy One chose to sit within 3 meters of me one day…
(allowing me to believe I was his superior,
when nothing could be further from the truth..)

So I believe I am highly qualified to insist you document the following “factual” corrections to this story :

1. He’s not a playboy. He declined an invite to the FHM 100 Babe-a-thon party recently , to avoid a bevy of bimbionic breasts – so he could spend the evening at home with his beloved.

If you’re nice to him, maybe he’ll pass on his FHM invite to you next year.

Sometimes – he aspires to be like Barney from How I Met Your Mother – mainly so he can wear snazzy suits.

2.His name actually means “friend” in Arabic. Sometimes “gentle friend” depending on the dialect. He’d have to be called “Hariz” to have any relation to sturdiness..

….2 fatwa’s for all of you for bad research.

3.He has met Larry of Larry& Sergey Fame. In person.
I haven’t.
Have you ?

No he’s not their love child…
but wouldn’t it be cool to have 2 parents like that ?
Even if they were fabulously wealthy & in the closet.

4.Rotund ?

I think your paparazzi photographed an imposter. I’d ask for a refund.

The Real Rafiq is lean & slim & just under 6ft…He’s also one of those lucky b#stards who can eat everything and never develop a beer belly.

The photo would be more plausible if there was a BRIC country scheme in the background – because that’s where his work takes him… Tell your pappo to pick a photoshop background from Moscow or somewhere in Brazil or India next time..

Have passport & Mac.Will travel.
That’s his motto.
What’s yours ?

5. Symbion Putterman is not his only fan.

In his recent sojourn in hospital – his father had to keep a calendar of visits, to make sure he wasn’t inundated with lady visitors, vying for his attention.

He also had women of all ages expressing their maternal instincts & cooking food for him across the Western Cape…. & delivering their culinary gifts to his ward like clockwork. The surplus was enough to feed 2 orphanages daily…

6. “guarantees 100% wifi reception worldwide” that’s not entirely true.

There are parts of China, areas in Siberia ad the mid-Pacific where he cannot pick up wifi with his inbuilt antenna.

In those remote places, he resorts to cyber-telepathy… (a new technology he is currently patenting… and which Qualcomm are quite interested in buying a stake in..they’re talking 7 or 8 figures, euro.)

7. His obscure tweets are actually messages (in encrypted format) directed at your subconscious, from a highly evolved C25th Civilisation. He is merely the messenger.

Keep reading them. through their abstract beauty one day you might become magically enlightened, without trying.

Don’t shoot the messenger.

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9 Responses to "I call myself Web AddiCT, I’m back, I’m back…"

SheBee says:

30 September 2008 at 18:19

Aw, my love, WELCOME HOME!!!!!!

I am loving the ripples BeatMag has caused, I’m such a fan!

Reply
LouisinLondon says:

30 September 2008 at 21:19

Hey Rafiq

Welcome back.
You sure did tweet a lot when you were in the hospital
Bed.

Hope you’re having fun again around CapeTown

Reply
vincent says:

30 September 2008 at 23:07

Hey Rafiq, if you skip right to the end of the blog you’ll find an earnest get well message.

Nevertheless great to see you’re back and kicking ass, the rest seems to have done you well!

It would be an absolute honour to have you blog about your experience – if you wish – on moral fibre.

Reply
Elmer Botha says:

1 October 2008 at 06:53

Glad you are better. Looking forward to following your posts.

Reply
Darren says:

1 October 2008 at 20:53

Life in Technicolour indeed. Be careful what you wish for Sir, you just might get it 🙂

Great to see you up and going strong again Rafiq!

Reply
Ted Snaglu says:

23 October 2008 at 19:28

Wow, whoever wrote this really rates you, would anyone mind informing me why? cos your blogs dont read so special to me!

Reply
1. Rafiq Phillips says:
  
  24 October 2008 at 13:10
  
  reading is only one way of trying to understand Web AddiCT(s); we do not claim to be the best at writing.
  
  No one can really be told what Your Web AddiCT is, you have to experience it for yourself 😉
  
  Reply
Sznq says:

24 October 2008 at 14:48

Ted Snaglu : I wrote that. For a number of reasons.

1. In response to a rather mean satirical piece – which I thought needed to be counter-balanced… to keep Net Karma balanced. See :

http://beatmagazinesa.wordpress.com/2008/09/28/rafiq-the-guru-phillips/

2. Because the Web Addict had just come out of hospital.

I witnessed what he’d been through & how he had pulled out of it. I think if people had done the same, they would not have been so quick to criticise, with such a lack of human compassion.

3. Web Addict worked as part of my team for a brief while.

I recognise he’s not your typical kettle of fish (e .g. he was an absolute pain for me to manage when he was working in an environment which tried to force him to be something he isn’t .)

Granted, he has many imperfections… (but then no one is perfect & who would want to be ?)

Whether he writes according to popular taste is debatable… but he does have a hard-earned, intuitive understanding of what works on the web… and that was being totally overlooked by people criticising him.

4. To Kill a Mockingbird is one of my favourite books.

It goes against the grain of who I am to see intelligent, well-meaning (even if they are sometimes misguided) people being victimised simply because they don’t play down to the lowest common denominator. Or because they are different. Or because they come from the wrong side of the tracks.Or because no one will stand up & defend them when they are unlikely to defend themselves.

5. Lord of the Flies is one of my least favourite books.

Unfortunately I see too many of its motifs around me in the za web industry. If I could put a stake in the ground which highlighted that, perhaps others would see it too – and be more aware and mature in how they engaged on the web. (…Though I suspect it may take more than a few posts to do that. Some people need to mature still, before they are capable of such self-awareness.)

So no, I didn’t write this because I “rate” the Web Addict.

I wrote it for other reasons.

p.s Ted – when you get married, take your wife’s surname. Yours sucks. 😉

Reply
TEDGlobal 2009 (Oxford) Fellowship applications open | Web AddiCT(s); says:

19 March 2009 at 11:48

[…] I’ve seen it, I’ve seen it before. […]

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